I'm having this horrible day

and I'm thinking it's done

I'm weak and unhappy and miserable

I'm thinking I'm tired,

I'm mad at the universe, I'm mad at life.

Then I get a message from my guidance counselor's intern,

giving me my counselor's phone number and telling me to text her.

Suddenly, I feel my heart beating faster.

Is it about my research?

Is it because I haven't sent her any updates?

Is she mad at me?

Is she going to chew me out?

Now, I'm basically in desperation

What does she want with me?

And, then, she sends me a picture of a book.

A book that will help me on my research,

being basically 25% of what I need for it.

So I sight,

in relief,

and I start talking to her about what I had already come across.

In minutes, I'm cheered up.

I go from miserable and inert

to slightly excited, feeling a flame warm up my heart.

I feel the need to get up and read the book she indicated to me.

And I think something like

"Why? Why do people talk about enjoying life outdoors and traveling and the only thing that makes me truly happy is studying the subjects I'm interested in?"

Maybe because I don't have the money to travel.

Maybe because I don't see anything for me to enjoy outdoors.

Maybe even because I push people away after any minor inconvenience.

Yeah, maybe it's because I have a bunch of problems,

but they won't go away just because I acknowledge their existence.

So maybe I do have a "boring" life,

maybe I do need a bunch of therapy,

but, maybe,

I just like studying.

I just like to see a whole world opening up in front of me

without having to get up from my chair.

And, then, I remembered this teacher I follow on Instagram

saying she was going through rough times and

teaching and researching were the only things that kept her

truly going.

So, no, I'm not alone.

And so I realized that I thought my ways of studying so hard and "living" less

were my doom.

But, maybe, they're actually the birth of me.

- what do I have to do to not compare my lovable life to your Instagramable one?